Read this:

Behind the Oscars screen, by Robert Lusetich

It’s turned me right off the whole affair. If we’re home from Salinas in time, perhaps I’ll watch the opening song and dance, check out Chris Rock, then do the non-smoking version of:

Most celebrities sit through the first 20 minutes – until the supporting actor categories are named – before rushing to the smoking area. An army of professional sitters then occupies their seats so the theatre doesn’t look empty.

Maybe one of my sillier sisters will be my “professional sitter,” once I’ve vacated the best couch.