Except:

Southern California is on fire. As it is every year. As it will be again. Trust me.

19 Eastern European women, forced into prostitution, were released from captivity in a brothel in Birmingham. No word if the “massage parlour’s” name, “Cuddles,” was the tip-off behind the bust. And no sign of any UN Peace Keepers in the immediate vicinity. Which is surely newsworthy.

Berlusconi’s gotten ahold of Moses, asked him to do his trick with the waters to keep Venice from sinking, for old time’s sake. Environmentalists and the city’s mayor would prefer he didn’t.

The Hulk sucked.