ninme

The Times – Slumps: what a lot of fun<br/> LA Notebook: all around you is evidence of the recession biting and green consciences kicking in, by Chris Ayres

So far, I’m loving it. For example: a few weeks ago, my wife crashed my car. I took it into the car bodyshop and was presented with a bill for two grand. At this point I did what I always do at garages: I became emotional. I launched into a long and somewhat poor-taste metaphor involving wrenches and lubrication. Then the repairman shuffled back to his shed and halved the labour rate. “Business is slow,” he explained.

Yes, recessions can be fun: they can be an absolute blast, right up to the moment you’re fired. Fortunately, not many Americans can remember what this is like. The last recession, in 2001, lasted 53 seconds, during which time one Porsche was repossessed and three restaurant reservations were cancelled. And then, refreshed from this period of abstinence, everyone took out dodgy mortgages and bought 80in TVs.

This time, however, it could be different. In 2001, we were encouraged to stick it to the terrorists by shopping. But terrorists are no longer the enemy: carbon dioxide is the enemy. And as much as conspicuous conservationism is all the rage (I give you the “hybrid” Cadillac Escalade), we have convinced ourselves that consumption of any kind of product is bad unless the product in question has been manufactured using energy from a turbine driven by flatulence induced by an organic lentil.

Hmm. Crafty.