With apologies to Irving Berlin.

I just saw a headline Pontiac is being killed off by GM. Well let me tell you about Pontiac. We had a Pontiac G5 over the weekend from Budget. I wept for the Toyota Corolla we had from Thrifty three weeks ago.

It had an mp3 CD player. But not power windows. It had automatic headlights. But not power locks. It had two-doors, which were so long a driver had to snap his radius and ulna to the right to get around the passenger headrest to unlock the non-power locks for the passenger. If someone needed to get in the back seat, there was a seatbelt slung across right at throat level, and the chair either didn’t or wouldn’t slide forward.

It’s a Pontiac. It’s supposed to be a muscle car, yet at every light (and there are a lot of them in Edmonton) we sat there listening to “blip-BLEEP! blip-BLEEP!” like a Nintendo remastering of the Popcorn song. Where is (was) their self-respect?