Subheading: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHY ARE THERE STILL SO MANY NOMINATIONS

Because nobody watches anymore and they think maybe it’s because there aren’t enough movies to root for.

NOBODY WATCHES BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE 16 HOURS OF THEIR LIVES TO LOSE TO L’OREAL ADS AND GAY MEN BEING CATTY ABOUT CLEAVAGE

Well anyway, RC2 has reminded me via Twitter that I’m seriously in danger of letting this little tradition lapse. So off we go!

Best Picture: Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The King’s Speech, 127 Hours, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Winter’s Bone

Haven’t seen any of them. Except Toy Story 3 which won’t win because it’s animated, and The King’s Speech which WILL win because it was WONDERFUL.

Best Actor: Javier Bardem, Jeff Bridges, Jesse Eisenberg, Colin Firth, James Franco

Colin Firth. *narrows eyes*

Best Actress: Annette Bening, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, Natalie Portman, Michelle Williams

Haven’t seen any of these movies but I imagine it might be Nicole Kidman. Just based on the fact that I haven’t heard any buzz about any of the other actresses. But then, at the rate I go through my Google Reader these days…

Best Director: Black Swan, The Fighter, The King’s Speech, The Social Network, True Grit

I don’t think Black Swan will win because it’s Aronofsky and not everyone’s into his style. Maybe the Fighter, since boxing movies seem to do well EVERY YEAR. I doubt it’ll be The King’s Speech because it’s a period piece. If the Social Network wins anything I’ll have completely lost hope, and True Grit can’t win because the Coen Brothers just won two years ago.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, Helena Bonham Carter, Melissa Leo, Hailee Steinfeld, Jacki Weaver

I wonder if Helena Bonham Carter will win. Because she won that Best Dressed award a couple months ago so maybe people will have decided it’ll be okay to vote for her. Otherwise Hailee Steinfeld, cuz I’ve heard “buzz” about her, too.

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale, John Hawkes, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, Geoffrey Rush

Geoffrey Rush. Please not Christian Bale. “And the actor for the best reappearing gaunt cheekbones is…”

Best Animated Film: How to Train Your Dragon, Illusionist, Toy Story 3

Duh.

Best Foreign Language Film: Biutiful (Mexico), Dogtooth (Greece), In a Better World (Denmark), Incendies (Canada), Outside the Law (Algeria)

Haven’t seen any of them. Maybe Biutiful because Javier Bardiem is the new hotness. Will guarantee you it won’t be Incendies because it’s Canadian. *ignores The Barbarian Invasions*

Best Original Screenplay: Another Year, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The King’s Speech

Um, I think Inception maybe might win this because all the hipsters were BLOWN AWAY by it. But The King’s Speech’s screenplay had that whole hero story attached to it. So I dunno.

Best Adapted Screenplay: 127 Hours, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Winter’s Bone

How on earth is Toy Story 3 an adapted screenplay? Did it exist as a coloring book released as merchandising for one of the earlier films? My guess: Maybe the Social Network will win this one. I won’t like it, but it’s better than Best Friggin Picture.

Best Documentary Feature: A bunch of crap

WHY ISN’T WAITING FOR SUPERMAN NOMINATED WTF FFS

Best Original Song: A bunch of stuff

Maybe the one from Toy Story 3

Best Film Editing:

I bet Black Swan wins this. Or 127 Hours.

Effects:

Inception. Prob.

Cinematography:

Black Swan if it doesn’t get the other. Or The King’s Speech if it does.

Best Costume Design:

The King’s Speech.

And that’s it! Except all the boring stuff I skipped. Allow me to take this moment to register my continued displeasure at the Oscars taking place on a Sunday. It belongs on a Monday, darnit. In March.