Scrolling down this Daily Mail article (by popular demand):

The article begins with a line about the A-List. I have no flipping clue who Lea Michele is. But I like her dress. It’s a lovely shade of red.

Kate Winslet should’ve gone for something with sleeves. And an extra half an inch around.

Who is Nina Dobrev, what is Vampire Diaries, and why did Donna Karen design this dress. It would look bad on a Barbie Doll. Also, I can’t stand dresses that only get propped up in front of one’s torso. It’s like walking around with a sandwich board. Silly.

Kerry Washington: Looks nice but the dress is in tatters at the bottom. She should attend to that. Adrianne Palicki: Meh. The seams are buckling. It’s making her knees look knobby and I’m sure she has lovely knees. It’s sabotaging her. And it looks like acetate. Giuliana Rancic: Needs to eat a sandwich oh wait she works for E! News. No wonder.

Kathy Griffin: Is beginning to look a little like Melanie Griffith. Maybe both of them should leave their faces alone? Nancy O’Dell: Who? Cute kid. Love the earrings.

Sophiea Vergara: Never heard of her but the dress is lovely. Pity she’s holding her arms like that because it’s making them look worse than they are. Where is her stylist, honestly.

Christina Hendricks: Needs to do something about the way she holds her mouth. The dress is nice and she looks great, but the bosoms getting pushed up onto her shoulders needs to stop. She’s made it work before, she just needs better underpinnings.

Elizabeth Moss: Very nice. But the hair is a funny size. Padma Lakshmi: Looks like she’s just been killed by a Bond villain. Cat Deelie: Isn’t 14. She should be mindful of that.

Maria Bello is always awesome but mostly not because of her dress or styling but because she’s walking like a normal person and not standing there like a bad imitation of something she saw Paris Hilton do once (which seems to be what everyone else does when they get to that point on the carpet). Julianna Margulies: Looks just dead. Jane Krakowski: Cute but orange.

Kelly Osborne: Cute. Jane Lynch: Cute but too low. The bodice needs to be sized up to scale to her torso length.

Melissa McCarthy: Nice but I have a hard time believing that’s the only thing she could find. Amy Poehler: Huh. Cute. Hair looks washed out. Needs more blush and curls or something.

Katie Holmes: Why is Katie Holmes at the Emmy’s? Yes Katie, we all know you married Tom Cruise and have a bigger clothes budget than everyone else. Those are Jimmy Choo shoes I’m pretty sure and they’re an awful choice with that dress. Kyle Richards: Blergh. Dianna Agron: Who is this person but she’s very pretty and I like the dress on her.

Emily Blunt is booteeful and I love her always. Julie Bowen is who exactly? Nice dress on her tho. Fits well. Heather Morris: Dumb choice.

Somebody I’ve never heard of from a show I don’t think I’ve heard about, Gwyneth Paltrow (why is she there, why is she dressed in a sari without the sash), and Evan Rachel Wood who I’ve seen doing better.

The Charlie’s Angels (first I’ve heard of it!) girls: Very nice. Altho the one in the middle has done something to her complexion to make herself very ashy.

Two very young girls who the older ones should look to to remind themselves what it is to be young, and…

Julia Stiles is in Dexter?! Why wasn’t I informed?! And she looks great. Uncomfortable, but it’s a nice dress. And finally, I don’t watch Glee and this other girl looks… odd.