I’ve been saying that slowly over and over trying to get it down but I don’t think I’m comfortable using it in front of anyone other than my iMac yet.

English Forums – Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is

For instance!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Always a classic, that one. Another:

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

And:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Lots more funny lines, although some of them don’t seem like they necessarily belong in this list.